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Champions of Extraordinary Marriages

The Marriage Dance January 12, 2010

Do you long to dance with your spouse?  Do fantasize of an evening out dancing together?

I do.

In many ways Alisa and I are doing a daily dance.  We interact with each other (talking, listening, touching, seeing) and our kids (telling, acknowledging, helping, teaching) the most, but there are times when family and friends also enter the dance.  Sometimes it’s good that they enter and other times not so good.  You know what I mean.

There are days when I’m dancing on clouds and other days I feel like my feet are stuck in cement.  I often wonder why this happens and sometimes in the same day.  Do you ever feel like this in your marriage?  It’s frustrating, but as the years have passed I’ve come to understand the flow of our marriage.

This past Friday night was our “Date Night”.  This is something that we are purposeful about each and every month.  It is our time alone.  Love my kids, but I want to spend the rest of my life with Alisa and if we don’t invest now who knows what could happen.  These dates give us time to connect and dig deep into our relationship without the constant interruptions.  I’m being interrupted right now as I type, my oldest isn’t going to sleep and I’m starting to get frustrated.

Back to the blog…for this “Date Night” we had decided to learn take a Cha-Cha class and then attend a dance party at the studio.  The week leading up to our date night Alisa had been “practicing” the Cha-Cha moves from instructional youtube videos.  I was getting excited to go out and dance with Alisa.  The last time I was this excited to dance was on our wedding day (13 years ago) because I knew we would end up in our hotel room afterwards.

This time learning to dance stemmed from our desire to find a passion and activity that the two of us could do together.  We were stepping out of our comfort zones to stretch ourselves and our marriage.  For me being the extrovert in the marriage I also figured it would be a great way for us to branch out and meet new people.

Friday started off great, date night was planned,  kids were going to the sitters, Alisa was going to make a romantic dinner at home and then off to Cha-Cha lessons.

Except for one small thing…kindergarten immunizations and flu shots.  Dang those shots.

Abby received five shots and Alex two as they spent 2 hours in the doctors office Friday afternoon.  Guess what?  Date night didn’t happen.  Both kids were traumatized from their long afternoon at the doctor’s office and this was one of those nights that we didn’t think it wise to leave the kids with the babysitter.

We made the most out of it the situation.  We were able to have a quiet dinner while the kids watched a movie followed by family movie night watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Was it what we had planned? No, but the reality is that life often doesn’t go the way that we plan.  I would like to just end this here and say that everyone went to bed happy, but in reality I was upset and frustrated.  Have you experienced this in your marriage?

You know what I did, I wallowed in my own negativity, but as I laid down I realized I made a big mistake.  The time with Alisa, although not a date night, was still needed and should have been cherished.  I didn’t do that.  Even though I didn’t handle the evening perfectly, I learned from it.  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?  Learning, falling, getting up and then doing it again and again. It’s The Marriage Dance.

When things don’t go the way you plan them are you going to be negative and wallow in the misery of the situation or are you going to try and find a way to take these new circumstances and use them to your benefit?  What dance are you dancing with your spouse?

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