ONE

Champions of Extraordinary Marriages

More…40 Days to a Mind Blowing Marriage! December 29, 2009

“I need to think about it.”

WHAT!!! He had to think about it? C’mon I had just said yes to making love to him for 60 days!!! What in the heck did he have to think about?

It turns out that he had some of the same questions that I did.

What if we did this?

What if I can’t hold up my end of this?

How would this work?

Could I do this?

So, we really had quite a bit to talk about as we ventured forward.  We laid there in bed talking about how this would all work out.  The How, What, Where, and When.  We set up “excused” days-illness, my menstrual cycle , and out of town trips.  During the discussion we decided that we were both willing to get creative with location, time of day, positions etc.

Over the next couple of nights we continued to discuss all sorts of possibilities that could arise.  Here are a few that I remember:

What would happen if one of us was out and didn’t get home until late and the other was fast asleep?  Wake them up.

How do we work around Tony’s bicycling schedule?  He was willing to make it work no matter what.

Does a “quickie” count? Oh, YES!

Finally, we began the countdown to September 1, the start of our 60 Day Challenge.

From the start I was blown away at what started happening in our marriage.  We began having conversations about more than just the kids, work, and the day to day stuff.  We were talking and listening to each other and enjoying it. We began to rediscover each others desires, passions, and fears.  It was truly amazing!  The craziest thing, for me, was that I looked forward to being intimate with my husband. It was no longer about making excuses to get out of making love,  but rather when and where were we going to make love.  Let’s get to it became my motto!

September was like being on our honeymoon again but better because after 11 years we had learned a lot about each other and were truly enjoying these intimate moments.  We were veterans at this and now we were really putting our years of experience to work, literally and figuratively.  We started strong, we were able to go 9 days straight before our first day off, hello fatigue!  As much fun as we were having it was exhausting keeping up with our daily tasks, kids, work, and other activities.

One memorable night was when Tony had gone to Orange County for a going away party and was expected home around 11pm.  Tony, wanting to get home so that we could make love,  got a late start back to San Diego.  It came down to the wire as he arrived at 11:55pm.  I waited for him at the door as clothes came flying off as we headed for our bedroom. We ran over into the next day and wondered if we could count this love making session as two days?  We decided no and laughed as we fell asleep in each others arms.  The end of September brought my menstrual cycle and we were both so happy and ready for a break!

The strange thing for me was after a couple of days I was missing that physical intimacy with Tony.  I was looking forward to getting back to our daily love making, but October was completely different.

October started out with two sick kids, Tony’s first ever migraine and MRI, sleepless nights and sheer fatigue!  Translation:  No desire to make love whatsoever.  We were in a state of disconnect.  With all of the health problems we were completely out of sync.

One particular entry from October 6th tells the story perfectly.

Alisa’s entry – We are healthy!  Yet I don’t want to make love to Tony.  I actually prayed tonight for a change of heart because I had been enjoying this and looking forward to it last month.  Physically I enjoy myself but mentally, tonight, I had difficulty being in the moment with Tony.  I am wrestling with it so much that after I couldn’t fall asleep.  I tossed and turned for 2 hours gefore getting up to read on the couch and fell asleep there.

Tony’s entry – What a wonderful evening together.  Alisa and I made love for what seemed like the 1st time in a long time.  I guess when we’re making love almost every night in September to being derailed in October it feels like a long time.  It’s great to be close to Alisa again both physically and spiritually.

With the end in sight, we had lots of nights where we were just trying to make it through.   I began to pray before and during our physical intimacy.  It helped, but that’s for another blog.

October 31st came before we knew it.  The highs and lows of our 60 Day Challenge came to an end and you know what, we survived.  We didn’t just survive we learned a lot about ourselves that and are thriving to this day!  This was perhaps the single most positive life changing thing we have ever done for our marriage.

This time together was challenging, exciting, and awesome!

I’ve been asked if I would do it again? YES!  I have come to realize that having that connection with my husband truly changed our marriage.  Putting a stop to the excuses and accepting Tony’s needs was a win for me too.  It turned out that my intimacy needs, emotional, intellectual,  and spiritual were being met more than I could have ever expected.

We’ve made a lifestyle change where intimacy is a priority in our marriage and we hope that this will spark are flame in you to move beyond yourself and begin a challenge of your own.  What are you waiting for?

Coming March 2010, Stripped Down – 13 Keys to ONE Extraordinary Marriage.

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4 Responses to “More…40 Days to a Mind Blowing Marriage!”

  1. Morgan Says:

    Our pastor here challenged us to just 21 days–it take 3 wks to create a habit, was his thinking. I told some of my married friends and you should’a heard the complaining…more from the men, which shocked me. Every excuse in the book was brought up. The way I see it, there are worse things to be asked to do, right? It’s not like your diggin’ ditches or anything…..and if it is, then that’s a whole other problem.

    • Tony & Alisa Says:

      First off, did you take up your pastor on the challenge? ; ) I want to meet him one of these days. Sounds like my kind of guy.

      That is interesting that you got backlash from the guys, but could be related to a much deeper issue within the marriage. Alisa and I had been working on our relationship months before we started the challenge. We did a lot of talking and listening before we felt that we could commit ourselves to making love each day for 60 days. And we learned even more as we went along.

      Much worse things to do for sure…

  2. HW Says:

    My wife and I are thinking about this. It’s certainly been an interesting topic of conversation over the last couple of days. Parents of a 9 & 13 y/o, married 15 years, together 21 years. I’ll let you know what we decide. 🙂

    FYI, found you through twitter. Thanks for sharing some of you life with us.

    • Tony & Alisa Says:

      HW – Glad that our 60 Day Challenge has sparked a conversation between you and your wife about doing an intimacy challenge. Once the spark is started it’s amazing how the fire can grow. Keep talking about it and do let us know what the two of you decided to do. We would love to hear about your experiences either way.

      Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year.

      Tony


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